Roller Coaster

I'm sitting here, thinking. I know what I want to write about but... I don't know how to put everything I'm feeling into words. Those that know me well will feel that this is unusual and really it is. But I'll try my best to explain my feelings right now.

I got an email from Mandie yesterday about all the stuff that's been happening lately. The email was pretty long (and well written, probably better than this will turn out) but the gist was that she's got some emotions and other things that she needs to deal with. Basically she feels that, at this time in her life, now's not the time for us. She asked if we could still be friends because she sees me as a great person and, in her words, doesn't want our time together to be short lived. She also mentioned now having the courage (because of me) to go for an "opportunity" that she now has that she's been wanting for a long time (while I have my own theories on that, I won't speculate; she'll tell me if she wants me to know).

I hit her back immediately and told her that I most definately wanted to stay friends with her. There was no way in Hell that I was going to say no to her. Mandie is very special person to me and I'd much rather have her in my life as my friend than not all. She's touched me in ways that no one has ever been able to do. Honestly, I don't know how to explain it. I just feel a very real, very profound connection with her; one that I've never felt before.

Mandie's been really down on herself about this whole situation, especially today. Personally, I don't see why she's so worried about hurting me. I mean, yeah parts of this situation suck, but she made a decision that she feels is best for her right now. As I said to her today, I'm not going to turn my back on her. I'll support this (and every other she makes) decision 110% because it's what she feels is best for her. Even though we're not meant to be a couple right now doesn't mean that I'm just going to cast her away with yesterday's trash. I'm truly blessed to have someone like her in my life and I'm not one to push my blessings aside. She can always count on me to be there for her for anything she needs, whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a ride home after partying too hard, whatever. I'll always be in her corner no matter what.

God has a plan; we just need to let it unfold.

Again, I'm not going anywhere. I realize that all we're going to be for the foreseeable future is friends but I intend to be the best friend to her that I possibly can be. She's going to find that I'm very loyal and that I'm there no matter what. And I mean that.

The past few weeks have been some of the best ever and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. The past few days have been a really big emotional roller coaster with more twists and turns than the Raptor at Cedar Point. But it's all been worth it. I've gained a wonderful person that I can add to my "inner circle" and I'm proud to say that she's among the best people that are in my life.

Here's the question that someone posed to me today when I was telling them about all this: "Would you do it all again?"

Hell yes.

--Jonathan

So much happened today and I have so much that I want to write about here (don't worry, it's nothing bad I promise). My brain's just fried beyond anything that I've experienced in a long time. I will write about things at some point over the weekend.

Stay tuned.....

--Jonathan

Kicking my ass

Today has been pure torture and all of it is that which I have brought on myself. I don't think I have the words in my vocabulary to properly describe how I've been feeling today.

Sorrow.

Regret.

Remorse.


These words just don't do justice to how I've feeling; not even close.

I've been beating myself up all day over this new drama. Again, this whole freakin' mess is all my fault. Obviously I'm upset that I hurt Mandie by jumping to conclusions and making assumptions that weren't there but I'm also really pissed off at myself. No matter how much I promise myself and others that I'm not going to make the same mistakes I've made in the past, what do I do? You guessed it: I keep doing the same shit over and over again. I don't mean to keep doing this. I'm totally sick of hurting those I care about by being so damned impulsive and quick to judge situations without fully knowing what's going on.

I've got to change.

So, as you can imagine, my day was pretty shitty. The show? Heh, that's a laugh. Needless to say my head was far from radio today. One bright note today was that I had a helluva workout at the gym tonight. I was determined to "kick my ass" and I did just that.

Since I got home I've been just sitting here thinking about everything. I'm so confused, it's not even funny. The whole thing about her blog entry... I think the best way to put it is that I couldn't see the forest for the trees, couldn't (or didn't) see what she was really saying there. I've done all I can do at this point... apologized, admitted that this whole thing is my fault. Now the rest is up to her.

How do I think all of this will work out? I haven't a clue. I do know, though, that I'll be fortunate if she still wants to be my friend after all of this, let alone anything more in the future.

Mandie emailed me earlier today and told me, basically, that she just had no clue what she was thinking or feeling about everything and she needed some time to sort things out. I told her, again, that I'm sorry and that this is all my fault. I also told her to take all the she needs. Whether it's a day, a week, a month... whatever.

I'm not going anywhere.

For anyone who may be doubting that I am truly heart broken over this whole situation, well, you evidently don't know me very well. I realize that I made a HUGE mistake by not properly evaluating the situation and jumping to conclusions before I had all the facts. As much as I'd love to be able to go back and have a do-over, I know that that's not possible. I made a huge mistake and I'm willing to do anything in the world to make this up to her. Of course, I realize that nothing can ever make up for something like this but I'd at least love an opportunity to show her how truly sorry I am for all of this mess.

I'm only human and I made a mistake. I've never claimed to be perfect, nor would I ever be cocky enough to claim to be (last time I checked, there was only one perfect person to walk the Earth and I'm certainly not Him). But that still is no reason for me to have done what I did.

Mandie, I'm sorry.

--Jonathan

I still can't get over how stupid I acted last night. I certainly had plenty of time to think about it during the night because I didn't sleep a whole lot. Hey, that was my own fault. Actually, all of this is my own fault.

I hope to put this behind me but I know that I'm going to be stuck on this until Mandie and I can talk about this somemore. For the sake of our friendship, and my sanity, I hope that happens soon.

--Jonathan

Things aren't always how they seem...

**EDIT**

If you saw the post that was here earlier tonight, you know that I was pretty upset Well, as I tend to do in certain situations, I read too much into a situation and totally misunderstood what was there.

I was an asshole. Simple as that.

Things for me to work on:

1. Be a better listener.
2. "Look before you leap." In other words, talk things through before jumping to conslusions.
3. Work on that patience thing I wrote about several posts before.

Mandie, I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me and that we can wipe the slate clean.

--Jonathan

It's peanut butter jelly time!

This really is funny! You know you wanna click this!!

--Jonathan

All things considered...

...today was really good. After the events of the last couple of days (I won't get into that right now, maybe tomorrow... too tired to rehash all that right now) I figured today was either going to be really good or really bad. Well, thankfully, it was the former! I got to the office, got all my stuff done in there, had a great show and had an awesome work out! I really felt good when I left the gym tonight. Oh! I weighed today and I'm down to 302! I see no reason why I can't achieve my goal of being below 300 by the end of this month.

Over the weekend I wrote my programming philosophy. For the uninitiated, basically that's a document that spells out how a programmer feels that station programming should be approached. Basically you cover everything from music to promotions to the personalities and shows on a station that you program. By the time it was all said and done, I had four pages of stuff! Wow. If I were send that off to a job, though, it should be no more than two pages. Looks like I'll have to go back and pick-and-choose stuff for a "snap shot" version that focuses on the "3 M's" (music, mornings and marketing).

I think I'm going to call it night. My brain's fried!

--Jonathan

A Cruise

I really am a piece of work. Whenever I feel upset or need think about stuff, I tend to get in my truck and drive. Tonight I was feeling both upset and in need to figure some things out so I went by the station to check on things and then I took off toward downtown Fort Wayne. So I'm riding around town and I decided that I wanted a Coke (what can I say, I'm addicted) and a bag of chips. So I stop at the Marathon station in downtown and and purchase my snack. I go to pay, total comes to about $2.50. Well, I thought I had some cash but, of course, I didn't so I pulled out my debit card (that's "debit", not "credit" people!). Well, the Arab dude at the counter said something to his friend beside him and said "your total is less than $5, can you not just pay cash?" I explained to him that I didn't have any cash and this was how I wanted to pay for my purchase. He said something in the language of his native land and said "this is stupid, putting a soda and a bag of chips on your credit card." First of all, that wasn't my credit card, that was my debit card which takes the money directly out of my checking account. Secondly, is it any of his business how I want to pay for my chips and drink? He shouldn't care as long as I'm spending money in his store! I told him to either swipe my card to pay for my purchase or I was taking my $2.50 elsewhere. He swiped and all was right in the world for the moment.

It'll be a cold day in Hell before I ever set foot in that Marathon station again.

After that I resumed my cruise around Fort Wayne. After I arrived back at my apartment my head was clear and I had figured some stuff. Again, I really don't feel that I should air these concerns in public (believe me, they're personal) but I now know how to handle some things that have been on my mind lately. Some of these things can be done now, others will have to wait. But at least I'm not so confused anymore.

Something funny happened when I got back. Our part timer, Matt, called and said that his voice tracks weren't saving to the on air computer, so I went up there to check it out. I was fuming because that damned computer had been giving me fits all weekend so I was about ready to throw Simian (the name of the program that plays our music and stuff) out the window. When I got up there, I quickly found the problem: He had opened the wrong music log! Instead of voice tracking his final hour for tonight, he voice tracked the 11:00 PM hour tomorrow night. Hahahahahahaha

Well, I think three posts in a 24 hour period are enough. What will tomorrow bring? Hmm...

--Jonathan

Dreaming

Here I go, blogging in the morning again. I felt like I needed to because I had some really strange dreams last night; one was funny, one was sentimental and the other just wasn't good at all.

The funny one was, well, weird. I think I was actually watching this on television in the dream. Anyway, there was a double-decker bus (you know, like the ones they have in London) going down the road and it was a mobile Chinese restaurant. However, the cooking was not done on the bus, nor was it done in a building. Oh, no! The cooking was done by some Chinese guys following the bus in a very large El Camino. The chef was standing up in the bed of this trar (contraction of "truck" and "car") cooking in a wok that was on top of a stove! And the waiters were wearing the stereotypical bad tuxedos. But the funny part was how they got from the El Camino to the bus: They pulled some kung-fo shit and were jumping back and forth; I'm talking about flipping, all that stuff.

Needless to say, it was pretty hilarious. I woke up laughing my ass off.

The sentimental dream was about high school. I really don't know why but I've been thinking about that time in my life a lot recently, especially my senior year. Maybe in my sub-concious, I have a desire to go back. Anyway, in the dream I was just walking down the halls and having a normal day; I even went to baseball practice.

It was actually kind of fun to have that dream. I even hugged my Spanish teacher, someone I didn't particularly care for.

Now for the sad one. I won't say who it was about just yet, because I haven't had a chance to tell them about it. But it was pretty bad, at least to me it was. In the dream, I got a call and found out that this certain person had been in an accident. So I got to the hospital as quickly as I could to check on them. In the lobby I met the person who called me to tell me about it and we talked until they said it was alright to go see them. When we got to the room they recognized our mutual friend but not me. In fact, I think their response in the dream was "get the fuck out, I have no clue who you are." When I woke up, I was on the verge of tears. Thankfully I realized it was just a dream but damn... I was glad when it was over.

Well, two pretty good dreams vs. one bad one isn't too bad. As for why I had these dreams, I think my sub-concious may have played the biggest roles in the last two (the first one is kind of obvious, the second isn't so obvious so I need to ponder that a little more). As for the first one, I think it was just my twisted sense of humor in that one. Maybe next time I'm tempted to make popcorn with extra butter and salt so late at night, I should just pass it up!

--Jonathan

Give this guy a medal!

Warning: If you are a bleeding heart liberal, hard-nosed Democrat, tree hugger or otherwise hate the "injustice" of what I'm about to priase, hit the "Next Blog" button at the top of the screen because I can promise you that you will not like what I'm about to say.

I got this email from my mom this morning. This guy deserves to be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor! Dig it:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the tent city jail has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails.

Took away their weights.

Cut off all but "G" movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails.

So he hooked up the cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.

When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.

He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.

When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton.

If you don't like it, don't come back."

He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails.

When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

More on the Arizona Sheriff:

With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix
(116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.

Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their pink socks.

"It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 1/2 years. "It's inhumane."

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic

He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and
they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"

w00t!! We need more men like this sheriff. Tell me, do you really think that prisoners, the scum of the Earth, deserve even equal treatment to you and me? Not just "no," but Hell no! Contrary to what the idiotic Demonrats might have us think, prison should be about punishment and not "rehabilitation." Make them live in tents. Make them eat crappy food. Make them do hard labor. Why do they need cable TV and air conditioning? A good many free citizens don't have these luxaries.

Don't sit there and tell me that you actually believe that prisoners deserve to be coddled.

I think I've said all I need to say about this. Honestly, the above email pretty much sums out how I feel about the prison system, except to say that all prisons should be like this tent city. I can promise you that if all prisons were this bad (and not the luxary hotels that some tend to be now), no one would want to go to prison; they would make damn sure they behaved. Would you be surprised to learn that some felons are in prison by choice? They commit crimes just so they can be in prison, where they receive free room and board, not to mention cable TV and better healthcare than some of us on the outside enjoy.

And all of this is on my (and your) dime. Fucked up? I think so.

If you agree with the "Holiday Inn" approach to prison, I have a big, steamin' cup of S.T.F.U. with your name on it.

--Jonathan

Thank God the weekend is here!! I was so glad that today was Friday, I could hardly contain myself. Sure, I still have some things to do at the station this weekend but it's nothing major and I could probably even finish it all tomorrow. That way I won't have to go up on Sunday! :-)

The last couple of days have been a funk. I thought it was just lack of sleep but today I realized that it was because of some kind of funk. As for why, there could be any number of reasons. See, this is what happens when I think about stuff. Sure, if I didn't think about stuff I wouldn't be me (I tend to be somewhat of a thinker) but sometimes I tend to over-analyize things. Well, some things it just takes alot of thinking to figure them out. But you know what I'm saying...

One of the things I've been thinking a lot about lately is missed opportunities. Not so much wishing that I had gone after them (well, most of them) but just kind of wondering what would have happened if I chose option B instead of optoion A. One thing I've been thinking about is what would have happened if I had taken a job in Fayetteville, AR about a year ago. The job was mine but I turned it down; why I turned it down, I honestly don't remember. Of course, the fact that I'm here might have something to do with that because, who knows, I may not have come here had I taken that job.

Of course, that's not the only thing I've been thinking of. Honestly it's nothing I really want to air in public; it's just personal stuff. Just wondering what would have happened if I had done this, if I hadn't done that, if I had made another decision.

Regrets? Honestly, there are a few things I somewhat regret. But what's done is done and you can't change the past.

Gonna watch TV and go to bed. Tonight was my night in. Chinese take-out, "Soul Plane" and "Rudy." So far it's been a nice, relaxing evening. Well, mostly...

--Jonathan

Another week done...

Thank God the weekend is here!! I was so glad that today was Friday, I could hardly contain myself. Sure, I still have some things to do at the station this weekend but it's nothing major and I could probably even finish it all tomorrow. That way I won't have to go up on Sunday! :-)

The last couple of days have been a funk. I thought it was just lack of sleep but today I realized that it was because of some kind of funk. As for why, there could be any number of reasons. See, this is what happens when I think about stuff. Sure, if I didn't think about stuff I wouldn't be me (I tend to be somewhat of a thinker) but sometimes I tend to over-analyize things. Well, some things it just takes alot of thinking to figure them out. But you know what I'm saying...

One of the things I've been thinking a lot about lately is missed opportunities. Not so much wishing that I had gone after them (well, most of them) but just kind of wondering what would have happened if I chose option B instead of optoion A. One thing I've been thinking about is what would have happened if I had taken a job in Fayetteville, AR about a year ago. The job was mine but I turned it down; why I turned it down, I honestly don't remember. Of course, the fact that I'm here might have something to do with that because, who knows, I may not have come here had I taken that job.

Of course, that's not the only thing I've been thinking of. Honestly it's nothing I really want to air in public; it's just personal stuff. Just wondering what would have happened if I had done this, if I hadn't done that, if I had made another decision.

Regrets? Honestly, there are a few things I somewhat regret. But what's done is done and you can't change the past.

Gonna watch TV and go to bed. Tonight was my night in. Chinese take-out, "Soul Plane" and "Rudy." So far it's been a nice, relaxing evening. Well, mostly...

--Jonathan

Not crazy... yet

Am I crazy? When I say "crazy," I mean actually insane to the point where I could almost be thrown in a padded room. Ok, maybe I'm not quite that bad off (yet) but I sure felt like it today. Not that today was bad or anything, in fact it was a great day for the most part, it just felt long because I didn't sleep worth a damn last night, and not much better the night before. I'm not sure why, I just couldn't get comfortable so I tossed and turned a good bit. Not sleeping well really bothers me because it makes me think that something's wrong. It's not like I've been stressing over much lately and not like I've had a ton on my mind, I just couldn't settle down,

As I said, today was pretty good. Goose was out of the office today so I had to conduct the weekly music meeting with our consultant. The meeting was actually quick and painless, I couldn't believe it. But it felt good to be doing something like that again. I was in my element, just like I was when I was Music Director at my old station. I hope that this is a step in the direction of getting the stripes here.

I talked to my family down south a little while ago and everyone's fine. Ivan really didn't affect my hometown very badly so, thankfully, everyone's fine.

I was surfing the website of my hometown paper, The Neshoba Democrat, today and I decided to take a look at the classified ads. One for a mobile home stood out: One of the amentaties that it listed was "never smoked in." Yep, I'm from the south. Of course, I can somewhat understand why the person would list that (because smoke odor is so hard to get rid of) but I still heard "Duelling Banjos" playing in my head when I read that.

Going to watch some TV and then I'm hitting the bed. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.

--Jonathan

Today was, in a word, long. Since Goose is out of town for his family emergency, I had extra work to do around the office today, plus I had a remote tonight at Uno Chicago Grill. It was dead but I found out that Van's remote was dead as well so I didn't feel too bad about it. I don't know what's up with Snider: They have an awesome football team but can't get their peeps to support them by simply eating dinner. It's crazy.

As I mentioned earlier, Goose's family emergency is one that kindda makes you think. All too often we tend to take our loved ones for granted. I, too, have been guilty of this many times. I was reminded of just how much my family means to me when my step dad had that Hodgkin's Disease scare not too long ago. Goose's situation is just another reminder of how precious life is and how we shouldn't take it for granted. Treat everyday as if it were a gift from God (which it is) and live it to the fullest. And have no regrets.

Tonght at Uno's was really cool even though the students and fans really didn't turn out. I had a good time hanging out with Jack Hammer (mad props to him for letting us use some of his equipment tonight!) and just enjoying the nice weather outside tonight. Mandie came by with her grandmother and "tame Nikki" (long story LOL). It was really cool to see Mandie and to meet her grandmother and Nikki, although Mandie was a bit higher on the scale (hehe). Her grandmother is really cool, I enjoyed talking to her.

Honestly, tonight showed me a lot.

I'm going to bed. Tomorrow promises to be just as busy as today was.

--Jonathan

When it rains, it pours

So I found out what my boss, Goose, is out of the office for. I figured it was related to his girlfriend breaking up with him last week but I couldn't have been more wrong. My GM just told me that his sister was stabbed yesterday and died. I really feel sorry for him; he certainly doesn't need all this stress on his shoulders. Of course, no one needs or deserves anything like this.

Anytime something like this happens it makes me think. I have a ton running through my mind right now but I don't have enough time to put all of my thoughts on here right now. I'll write more tonight. But please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers.

--Jonathan

Blogging In the Morning

I think this is the first time I've ever blogged at the start of my day. Honestly, I'm only doing it because I'm bored. You can only take so much news so early in the morning; eventually you'll have information overload. Entertainment? Feh! You're kidding, right?

For some reason I woke up at 7:15 this morning. For some reason I've been doing that some lately. This is very unusual because I'm the guy who used to sleep until 11:00 or 12:00 every day. I guess now that I work "normal" hours, I'm on a somewhat normal sleep routine. But I did sleep pretty well. Even had a really nice dream. :-)

Today is going to be long. Goose took a couple of days off to "take care of something personal" so I have to be on the air from 12:00 until 6:00 today and tomorrow. Also, today, I have to go to Uno's for the high school pep rally that Goose usually does. Basically I stand there for a couple of hours, talk to high school kiddies and get paid. I love easy remotes. :-D

One thing I forgot to mention about our trip to Cedar Point: Diesel and Matt decided to make a song in one of those recording studio things on the midway. Of all the songs in the universe they could have covered, they had to select one of the worst songs on God's green Earth: "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys! *pukes* The fact that the song was played over the recording place's P.A. was bad enough, but Diesel played it on the air last night! Ugh, it was bad, very bad! But people were actually calling in and saying he should play it somemore! Yikes. Mandie and her friend Nikki thought it was funny as Hell. Ok, so it was funny. But Diesel damn sure can't sing! LOL However, I have to admit that I'm impressed with Matt's ability.

Time to go do the "Four S's."

--Jonathan

"She looks like she's wearing a whole horse!"

Today was awesome! Cedar Point rocked my face off. Before you ask, yes I did ride a roller coaster (the Raptor, to be exact, and it was great!). Unfortunately I had some, well, we'll say "body issues" so that prevented me from riding any more coasters. It's all good though, because I really didn't feel well after we ate lunch (that cheeseburger and fries damn sure wasn't worth $6 and it was either eat that or starve).

Even though I didn't really ride much, I still had an awesome time just being there. One of the things I'll be laughing about for a while was when we were walking to one of the rides and Diesel spotted a woman with a very obvious weave. Now, Diesel is foul; he will talk about anybody! He said "damn! She looks like she's wearing a whole horse!" We had a great laugh about that. Also there was the girl we spotted while we were taking a break. Let's just say that girl had no business wearing that tiny skirt and tight shirt. Yikes. I think it was Goose who said "those aren't love handles, that's a set of love luggage!"

Mandie learned what happens when a bunch of radio people are out in public: We will talk about anybody! She had fun, though. I know the highlight of the day for me was the fact that she went with me. I really enjoyed spending the day with her and it was well worth the two weeks I had to wait to see her again; I'm sure she felt the same way. :-) Seriously, it was great and I can't wait to see her again. I've kindda got an idea for this weekend but it depends on her plans and work schedule. I shall have to get the ball rolling A.S.A.P.

Ok, I've been sitting here for the last few minutes trying to figure out what else I want to say but I really can't think; my brain's fried! LOL On advice from Mandie (not to mention my body), I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll write more tomorrow evening. :-)

--Jonathan

Remembering

Before I get to something I've been waiting to write about all week, I want to tell you about my day. In a word: Awesome! Today we had our "Extreme Dodgeball Challange" for Big Brothers-Big Sisters of Fort Wayne and the turn out was fantastic. We had about 60 teams to participate so we raised in the neighborhood of $2,000 for the Bigs just off registration fees. On the off chance that you participated and you're reading this, I want to say thank you for participating. We truly could not have done this without your help.

Tomorrow's day two of my "long but fun weekend!" Cedar Point is going to be so much fun and I can't wait to experience it; I just hope my fat ass can fit on the coasters! Mandie's going to get to go as well so I'm really happy about that. I've really missed her and I can't wait to see her in the morning. I have a feeling that it's going to be an awesome day. :-)

Now, for what I've been wanting to write about all week.

"Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?" Allen Jackson poses that question in his hit song about what happened three years ago today and it really makes me think every time I hear it. I'll never forget where I was on September 11, 2001. I woke up to my former program director, David Day, on the air saying that something had happened at the World Trade Center and they were just getting information about it. I laid in my bed, motionless at his words. Then he came back on and said that it had been confirmed that a plane had hit one of the "Twin Towers." It was at that moment I went to turn my TV on, just in time to see the second plane hit. I was shocked. I sat on my couch for a while just staring at the television. I was in total disbelief. I had the usual thoughts, "how could this happen?" "Is this for real?" Then I saw that a plane hit the Pentegon and heard that a fourth plane was headed or Washington, DC. Eventually I decided to get up and go to the station in case they needed to help with news gathering.

When I got to the station everyone had a look of shock and disbelief on their faces. All five of our stations had various news feeds airing so those of us who weren't on the air at the time gathered in the conference room to watch the news. As more and more images filled our screen we started getting reports from around town that gas stations had raised their gas prices and people were essentially in a panic. Fleetwood (former PD of WZKS, one of my former sister stations) and I decide to ride around and take a look. As far as the signs went, gas prices were normal but people, in fact, in a panic. I had never seen anything like that in my life.

It finally came time for my air shift and I was told to air any news items that seemed relevant, not to say much and to keep everything flowing as best as possible. Honestly, not much music was played during the Jonathan Show that night, but it seemed like any music I did play was sad in nature. I sat there, taking some phone calls and talking to people about it. Utter disbelief was the general mood of people in the Twin States. I, too, was in utter disbelief.

That day is also the only day that I've cried on the air. As radio personalities, we're not really supposed to do that but I'd say that I was justified that night. President Bush was about to speak to the nation and we were going to carry it live. The song ended and I had about a minute until the President spoke. I'll never forget what I said: "Q101, Today's Best Music, it's Jonathan and today is a day that I'm having great difficulty with, just as I'm sure you are. As a radio personality, it's part of my job to come up with words to describe things that are happening in entertainment and the world in general. Tonight I just can't. There are no words to describe how I'm feeling about this." That's when I started crying. I closed with "And now, the President of the United States. God bless America."

I went back to my place after I got off the air and I read Psalm 23, prayed, cried somemore and finally fell asleep. That weekend I went to visit my family, hugged them extra close and appreciated the time I spent with them a little more than usual. That, not to mention everything else I've been through in life, made me fully understand that I should never take life for granted and that I should appreciate each day as a gift from God. If there was ever a reminder that things can be over in an instant, it was 9/11.

On my way back from the dodgeball tournament, I saw someone driving a car riddled with liberal propaganda stickers. The one that really pissed me off said "Nothing Accomplished." I wish I could have had five minutes alone with that hippie (yes, he looked like a hippie). I would have explained to him just what we've accomplished: A mad man is not overlord of his country anymore. People are free, for the first time ever, to do as they please within the confines of the law. People don't have to be afraid to speak their minds for fear that they'll have their heads cut off. And that's just in Iraq, I'm not even including Afghanistan.

I would also liked to have reminded him of who has faught and died for his right to put those stickers on his beater.

I can't stand how the liberals blame President Bush for the attacks, about how he could have prevented the attacks, etc. I don't know what you've been smokin' but you need to get off it. This would have happened no matter who the President was (even if it was your precious, intern bangin' hero). Funny, no one blamed Clinton when the Cole was attacked. But I do wonder what would have been said if "Bore" were in office when 9/11 happened. Of course, our military would have been so weak under him, we wouldn't have responded.

Osama is on the run like a little girl who was caught playing doctor with the neighbor boy in the back yard. To you looney liberals, I have bad news for you: We will catch him. And I only wish I was in the military and was lucky enough to be the soldier who finds him hiding out in his rat hole. I'd love to go toe-to-toe with that son of a bitch. In the words of Toby Keith: "We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way."

For those of you who have forgotten what we're fighting for, let me remind you, using information obtained from the State Department:

World Trade Center 2,823 (includes airline passengers)
Pentagon 125 (not including plane victims)
Flight 11 92 people on board
Flight 175 64 people on board
Flight 77 64 people on board
Flight 93 44 people on board

All of those people who died, their families and loved ones: That's who we're fighting for. Our military is also fighting hard for you and me so that we'll hopefully never have to experience anything like those who died in the attacks experienced. Have you really forgotten? I certainly haven't.

There were a few good things that came out of 9/11. The obvious ones were a new found appreciation for our emergency workers but the main one I'm thinking of is the fact that heroes exist and don't necessarially wear a uniform. The passangers who rushed the cockpit on Fight 93 showed us all what determination and selfless sacrifice can achieve. The certainly did not die in vain, indeed they probably saved hundereds, possibly thousands, of lives. The plane they were on was heading toward Washington and could have hit the Capital building, the White House or another building where many people were gathered.

Not fighting the war on terrorism would be saying that they died in vain. Do we really want that?

The way our grandparents feel/felt about the Pearl Harbor attacks on December 7, 1941 is the way we will feel about September 11, 2001 when we're in our 60's and 70's. I will never forget that day and I hope that you never will either. Let's not allow these people to die in vain. "Let's roll!"

--Jonathan

I hope you enjoyed the post below ("Old to Mac and Cheese") LOL. Might as well give you an update on my life, on the off chance that you really care.

Today was really good. Last night I went to bed very early (10:30) and got to sleep in a little on top of that. So I was very well rested today! :-) The show went pretty well today; well, for the most part. My phones have been really dead lately. To a radio DJ, people calling in to make requests or whaever is a great thing. By no means is it an accurate measurement of how many people are listening but it really feels good to have people calling in and it sounds good to put people on the air (an interactive show is never a bad thing). I dunno... For some reason I go through spurts where the phone calls are few and far between and next thing I know the lines are flooded. Maybe it's time for an air check session with my Program Director to see if I'm doing something wrong.

This weekend is going to be a royal bitch! Don't get me wrong, it's going to be tons of fun but I know that I'm going to be one worn out white boy when all's said and done. Saturday I'll be working at our "Extreme Dodgeball Challange" to benefit Big Brothers-Big Sisters. It's going to be lots of fun! Seriously, running around and throwing rubber balls at people... sounds like a great stress reliever to me! That'll essentially be an all day affair. Sunday me and the guys from the station are heading to Cedar Point for the day! YES! I've never been so I'm anticipating a good time. Of course, the last time I was on a roller coaster kindda messed me up. I seriously didn't know where I was for 20 minutes after I got off! Of course, it was one of the most intense wooden roller coasters around (I don't remember what it was called but it was at Six Flags over Texas). Cedar Point has some of the highest and most intense coasters around so we'll see what happens! Pray for me. ;-)

The past couple of weeks have been some of the busiest I've experienced since moving to Fort Wayne. To radio people this next statement might seem strange but it's the truth: After this weekend it looks like things will slow down for me a bit. Now, the reason that might seem strange is because we're about to enter what we call "the book." Basically that's the period where the markets around the country are surveyed to find out what radio stations are the most popular, blah blah blah. I'm having fun but I'm ready for a break LOL.

It'll also be nice to see Mandie again. Going on two weeks without seeing her now. ARGH! We've both had such crazy schedules, it's been impossible to find a time when we're both free or healthy (hehe). There's a slight chance she may be able to go to Cedar Point with me on Sunday but that's really only a slim possibility at this point. If nothing else maybe we can go to dinner sometime next week. I keep thinking of the last time we were together and how great it was. *sigh* :-)

I shall end this now. Mostly because I really don't have much to talk about right now. Later!

--Jonathan

Ode to Mac and Cheese

Mandie suggested that I call this post "Ode to Mac and Cheese." Mandie, be careful what you wish for because you should know by now that I'm going to go all out!

(music in) Bud Light presents: Real American Heroes. (back up dude: Real American Heroes!) Today we salute you, Ms. Homemade Mac and Cheese! (back up: Ms. Homemade Mac and Cheese!) Kraft says that their mac and cheese-powder-stuff is the cheesiest. Well, you and I both know that only REAL cheese can be considered cheesie (don't give me no powder!) Made in a caserole dish with pasta, a raw egg, a metric ton of sheredded cheese and a lot of love; you provide tasty sustanance to all who partake in your baked goodness. (20 minutes at 350!) You are considered a side dish to the likes of baked ham, roast beef, or pork chops; but we all know that you're really the star of the dinner table (move over mashed potatoes!). So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh yellow gooey goodness; because you are so delicious, you'll be long gone before the roast beef is made into a sandwich. (Ms. Homemade Mac and Cheese!) Bud Light beer: Anheiser-Busch, St. Louis, Missouri. (music out)

The preceeding is merely a means of entertaining Mandie, not to mention giving one of my favorite beers a free plug. Yeah, I'm poor.

Hahahahahaha!!!!111111

--Jonathan

Patience

Patience: (pa·tience) n. The capacity, quality, or fact of being patient.

Patient: (pa-tient) adj. Tolerant; understanding. Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive.

Not too long ago, those words would have rarely been associated with me. I really don't know why but I've never been a particularly patient person (just ask my mom). I guess it might be because I was always used to being the center of attention when I was younger (because I was so sick) and I rarely had to wait on things. It was just given to me ASAP. I will fully admit it: I was (and still kind of am) spoiled, very spoiled.

Lately I've been much better about all of this. I suppose I figured it was finally time to "grow up" in that regard. Anyone who knows me well will say that I'm very mature for my age. I agree with that for the most part; however, my patience is only about 16. Seriously, up until recently, I was one of the most impatient people I knew. In life, my career, relationships, you name it... but now I'm starting to get better those areas.

I think the two biggest areas I've improved upon are being patient with my career and relationships. Career-wise, well, that actually started getting better a year ago. Back when I was at my old station (in the third smallest market in the country), I wanted to move on so bad I couldn't stand it. I was constantly sending out packages (applying for jobs) and trying to find a way out, even though I hadn't been there all that long. Friends in the biz were telling me to concentrate on getting better and not be afraid to be there for a couple more years. Did I listen? Hell no. The only thing that ended up happening was that I got burned out and got out of radio for a few months (I was working at the Hard Rock Beach Club in Choctaw, MS during that time). As you can guess, I went back and even got promoted to Music Director upon my return to Q101. Roughly a year later, I moved to Fort Wayne (a big step up in radio terms). Moral of the story: Patience and hard work really do pay off; the keyword being "patience." I waited for the right opportunity to come along; now here I am.

I think the area where I've been most impatient in is relationships. That might seem kind of strange but it's true. I've always been in relationships that moved really fast. I've learned that that's not necessarially a good thing; in fact, sometimes it's not a good thing at all. The first "real" relationship (as far as I'm concerned, it's actually the only real relationship I've had up to this point) I had moved somewhat fast. It wasn't really bad for the most part, in fact it lasted for three years. After that, I would start dating a girl and try to move things along fast. Through those experiences, I've learned that that's not always a good thing. Be patient; let things happen in due time... don't try to rush stuff. In short, be patient!

In my last relationship we got to see each other literally almost every day and talk on the phone up to a couple of times a day. In the "real world," however, I've learned that that doesn't always happen. The people involved often are pretty busy and will often have to go long periods of time without seeing each other and will often only get to talk to each other speradically. Schedule conflicts and other things, well, they just happen. It's all about compromise and, yes, patience. Why I didn't come to this realization sooner, I don't know... but I wish I had. Anything (or anyone) that you really want (to be with) is always worth waiting for.

I've also learned not to settle for just anyone (in a relationship)... but that's another story.

In short, I've never really been a patient person but here lately I'm becoming more of one. If you're one of the poor folks who have to put up with me, remember that I'm a work in progress. Please be patient with me! (hahaha)

--Jonathan

The Media Does it Again

There are a couple of people who read this blog who have told me they want another political post. Well, be careful what you wish for because you're about to get it.

If you still need further proof that the media leans far to the Left, you have obviously been under a rock or out of the country for the last week. It was announced that former President Clinton has a clogged artery and will be undergoing surgery to correct the problem. The media went nuts! Seriously, they were (and still are, only not to he degree of a few days ago) obcessed with this story. ABC even interrupted regular daytime programming to let the world know that President Clinton was going to have surgery this week.

Read that last sentence again and tell me if you think that was a little over the top.

Mr. Clinton did not suffer a heart attack (by his own admission). In fact, if I'm not mistaken, the problem was discovered during a routine visit to his doctor. In other words, it was caught before something really bad happened to him; it's not like something can't be done preventively to correct the problem. Yet, you would have thought the man was on his death bed! ABC interupted regular programming. CNN did a 20 minute segment on it (and talked about it through out the the rest of the day and the days following; that's not including the Larry King Show that night). Headline News mentioned the story every 10 minutes (they do this with their "big" stories).

Do you think it was just a bit over the top yet?

Fox News Channel did mention the story. They didn't harp on it, didn't blow it out of proportion (unlike the afore mentioned channels); it was just another story in a busy news day.

Let's put this in to prespective: We have a war on terrorism going on, a hurricane was heading toward Florida, not to mention all the other things happening that day... but they thought Mr. Clinton's heart surgery was a bigger story?? Give me a break.

Larry King had Mr. Clinton on his show the night that the news broke about his heart surgery. Ole Larry was making a big deal out of it, as if Mr. Clinton was dying. From his responses you could tell that Mr. Clinton was playing it down, like it wasn't the big deal that the Leftist media was making it out to be.

I seem to remember a few months ago when Vice President Cheney had more severe heart problems but the Lefties at CNN and the like hardly gave it a mention. Well, except to say that they didn't feel that Mr. Cheney was capable of continuing his duties as Vice President. If this isn't an indication of bias, I don't know what is.

The Media have a responsibility to report the news in an objective and unbiased manner in order for us to have the facts so that we can draw our own conclusions. The Media have failed us miserably in this sense; they continue to fail us over and over again.

Let me say this: While I am by no means a Democrat, nor did I paritcularly care for Mr. Clinton as a President, I do wish him a speedy recovery and I would never wish anything but the best for him. While his heart condition is potentially life threatening if something isn't done about it, this is reletively a non-story. The Leftist media will do anything to garner sympathy for the Democratic party. Blowing this story out of proportion is just another item in the Left's bag of tricks.

Let me ask you again: Do you think this story was blow out of proportion? If you disagree, I would seriously consider where I stand on things. It's obvious to me (and anyone with half a brain) that the media basically made a mountain out of a mole hill.

Are you surprised? I'm not.

--Jonathan

How 'bout Them Dawgs?!

I had every intention of posting a political commentary about how the media seemed to have this obcession about President Clinton's heart troubles but I'm in too good of a mood right now (in other words, it'll come tomorrow so watch out!). No, no, Clintoon (kidding) will have to wait.

Sylvester Croom made his debut as Mississippi State University's head football coach in fine fashion, as the Bulldogs went to beat the Green Wave of Tulane 28-7. To give you an idea of how good of a game this was, the scoreboard had goose eggs on it at half time. Wow! I can honestly say that this Bulldog team is the best I've seen in years. Coach Croom has really brought a level of play and discipline that I haven't seen on a Bulldog team in a number of years. Probably the defining moment in the game for Coach Croom was in the first half when he made known his displeasure at a call by the referee and then went to the referee to apologize and shake his hand. If that isn't class, I don't know what is.

I now have a renewed love for my Dawgs. Watching the game tonight really re-ignited the fire that I once had for Bulldog football. Coach Croom proved to this Dawg fan that he will take no prisoners, no excuses, will accept only the absolute best from his team on and off the field and he'll do it with a level of class unlike any seen in any level of sports today.

And, by the way, Coach Croom is the first black head football coach in the history of Mississippi State and the Southeastern Conference.

Before I left Mississippi, I was reading an edition of my high school's student newspaper from Christmas of '03. They published some student's wants for Christmas; one little snot nosed brat wrote "please send MSU a coach other than Sylvester Croom." To that stupid whif I have this to say: I have a great recipe for crow and an even better one for humble pie.

I have a profound respect for Coach Croom. Not only because of his ability at leading the Dawgs to victory, but because he has revealed himself as a person who has values. Yes, I used a head football coach's name and "values" in the same sentence. In various clips that were shown through out ESPN's telecast, I saw a man who believes that God has an important place in his life and a man who values his family. When he said that the only thing that would make his night perfect was having his father there (he died a couple of years ago), that showed me that is is a great human being. Also the fact that he didn't mind wiping away some tears on ESPN showed me a lot too.

I was excited when MSU Athletic Director Larry Templeton announced that Coach Croom was coming to Starkville (just look at his coaching credentials); now I know that Coach Croom was the right choice.

Congratulations to Coach Croom and the Mississippi State Bulldogs. Tonight you made history.

--Jonathan

Random Such-n-Such

I got an email from one of my friends today who "complained" that my posts lately haven't been about anything in particular. Well, I assure you that I'm not doing it that way intentionally. I mean, I just haven't really felt like being political or very opinionated on here lately. I'm doing well just to make any kind of post these days LOL. My brain just feels like it's about to explode, I've had so much on my mind lately. It's just been a really tough week and I'll be glad when it's over. Hopefully I'll have Monday off.

Today was the usual pre-holiday weekend bee hive that a radio station tends to be. Lots of people running around, trying to get things finished so that they can enjoy as much of the long weekend as possible. Did I ever get everything finished? LOL Oh, that's so funny! I still have a good bit to do before I can call it a weekend. The most obvious thing is the remote at Fiesta Fort Wayne tomorrow. I also have to finish my stuff for My 103.9. Sunday I have to do music and some other stuff in the studio for Wild. No rest for the weary.

I made myself sound like a total player today but it was totally unintentional! LOL I was in another studio doing some work and Mandie called the studio looking for me. Diesel (night guy, in case you didn't know) said "your girl just tried to call." My response: "Which one?" Diesel thought it was funny and called me a playa. Now, before you start passing judgement on me, let me explain: I thought immediately that it was probably her but Diesel also knows about this 16 year old physcho bitch who's been "stalking" me through the request line lately. I thought he might have been teasing me about her so that's why I questioned him. Anyway, I called Mandie back and told her about it. She thought the same thing Diesel did! LOL Let me just say for the record that I am far from being a player.

It was good to finally get to talk to her (Mandie) today. We've both been pretty busy (not to mention needing that funny thing known as "sleep") so it's been tough to catch each other either on the phone. But it was good to hear her voice and have a verbal conversation with her for five or 10 minutes. I hope that our schedules will allow some time to see each other soon; I really enjoyed the time we spent together last week. I just find myself thinking of her and missing her. What can I say... she made an impression on me.

Ok, it's bed time. I've been working on this thing for over an hour LOL. Long day ahead tomorrow. If you happen to be in downtown Fort Wayne tomorrow, come by Fiesta Fort Wayne and say hello. It should be a good time. :-)

--Jonathan

Well, today was a little better. It kind of started out rough but it got better as the day progressed. In fact, compared to yesterday, today was actually relaxing. Yesterday was just a very long funk. To this very moment, I have no clue why but, eh, sometimes I just get that way.

I had a really good work out today at the gym. I don't know why but I really did well, especially with the cardio portion of my work out. I weighed today and I'm well on my way to being below 300 pounds by the end of the month. When I started I weighed in the neighborhood of 320; as of today I weigh 305. If I can't lose 5 pounds in a month, something's wrong LOL. Based on my results thus far, maybe I should redefine my goal. I'll ponder it and get back to you on that.

Saturday is going to be one of my businest days this month. I'll be broadcasting live from Fiesta Fort Wayne in downtown all day and I have to get my stuff done for My 103.9 at some point as well. But, I'm also probably going to miss one of the few Mississippi State Bulldog football games that I'll get to see this year (since I'm now up north, I won't get to see them on TV very often). This is a very big game because their new coach is the first black head football coach in the Southeastern Conference and, obviously, the first black head football coach in the history of MSU. I'll be the first to admit that this will be a rebuilding year, thus they'll suck; but they're still my team! Of all the days to have an all day remote...

My step dad has his biopsy today and we'll know the results on Tuesday. Please continue to keep him and my family in your thoughts and prayers. Also please remember me: I need to figure out some things that have been weighing on my mind.

The bed beckons. Goodnight.

--Jonathan

Jason Alexander hooks up with a man!

A friend of mine sent this to me and I thought someone else might get a chuckle out of it as well. Apparently Britney's husband of 55 hours was too drunk on Thunderbird to notice that the chick he was making out with at a club in Miama was a dude! Click me!

--Jonathan

Stressed

Today was kind of, well, blah. The only way I can think of to describe how I was feeling today is to call it s a "hodge-podge of confusion and frustration combined with lack of sleep."

Last night I got in and I was exhausted. I called Mandie and left a voice mail, telling her that I'd be awake for about 20 more minutes if she got the message and wanted to call. Well, that lasted about 5 minutes; I was dead to the world (I think I fell asleep at 10:30). Around 1:00 I woke up to find myself on the couch (and very stiff) so I got up and walked around for a few minutes to try and work out the kinks. Then I got in my bed and laid there... and laid there somemore... I finally fell asleep around 4:00. I woke up again around 8:00 and laid in bed for a while longer, trying to fall asleep again. No dice.

The actual day was... well, I'll put it this way: I started it off by cutting the top of my left ear. I was shaving my head and I got the razor too close to the top of my ear. As far as the rest of the day, nothing really seemed to go by way. Our consultant was late in getting back with us on our weekly music meeting, I just couldn't get fired up for my show today, I half assed my workout at the gym... not to mention that I was sleepy all day. I think part of my problem was that I'm dreading this weekend. Saturday is going to be a BUSY day because I'll be at the Fiesta Fort Wayne festival all day (literally) and I have to get my show done on My at some point. Also I was pretty impatient about some things today (mostly work related). That's really not like me so I don't know what was going through my mind today.

I'm tired but I think I'm going to stay up a little longer to make sure I'm good and sleepy when I finally hit the hay. My boss is out of town so that means I'll be busier than usual; I can't have another night like last night if I want to make it out of this week in one piece.

I hate being stressed.

--Jonathan

Some Good News from Home

I was going to post this last night but I was exhausted! I helped Van out at his remote at Uno's on Clinton last night and I got home in time to get a bath, leave a voice mail for Mandie and fall asleep on the couch LOL. Yeah, I was tired.

Anyway, I talked to my step dad yesterday afternoon and things may not be as bad as we originally thought (thank God). The doctor seemed to be of the opinion that it was still very treatable. He's going back for a biopsy tomorrow and Tuesday he goes in for the results. Don't get me wrong, he's not out of the woods by any measure (he also has an enlarged spleen) but things are looking up. :-)

I have to finish getting ready to go to the station (music meeting today). I'll try to post something "entertaining" (hehe) tonight.

Holla!!

--Jonathan