Roller Coaster

I'm sitting here, thinking. I know what I want to write about but... I don't know how to put everything I'm feeling into words. Those that know me well will feel that this is unusual and really it is. But I'll try my best to explain my feelings right now.

I got an email from Mandie yesterday about all the stuff that's been happening lately. The email was pretty long (and well written, probably better than this will turn out) but the gist was that she's got some emotions and other things that she needs to deal with. Basically she feels that, at this time in her life, now's not the time for us. She asked if we could still be friends because she sees me as a great person and, in her words, doesn't want our time together to be short lived. She also mentioned now having the courage (because of me) to go for an "opportunity" that she now has that she's been wanting for a long time (while I have my own theories on that, I won't speculate; she'll tell me if she wants me to know).

I hit her back immediately and told her that I most definately wanted to stay friends with her. There was no way in Hell that I was going to say no to her. Mandie is very special person to me and I'd much rather have her in my life as my friend than not all. She's touched me in ways that no one has ever been able to do. Honestly, I don't know how to explain it. I just feel a very real, very profound connection with her; one that I've never felt before.

Mandie's been really down on herself about this whole situation, especially today. Personally, I don't see why she's so worried about hurting me. I mean, yeah parts of this situation suck, but she made a decision that she feels is best for her right now. As I said to her today, I'm not going to turn my back on her. I'll support this (and every other she makes) decision 110% because it's what she feels is best for her. Even though we're not meant to be a couple right now doesn't mean that I'm just going to cast her away with yesterday's trash. I'm truly blessed to have someone like her in my life and I'm not one to push my blessings aside. She can always count on me to be there for her for anything she needs, whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a ride home after partying too hard, whatever. I'll always be in her corner no matter what.

God has a plan; we just need to let it unfold.

Again, I'm not going anywhere. I realize that all we're going to be for the foreseeable future is friends but I intend to be the best friend to her that I possibly can be. She's going to find that I'm very loyal and that I'm there no matter what. And I mean that.

The past few weeks have been some of the best ever and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. The past few days have been a really big emotional roller coaster with more twists and turns than the Raptor at Cedar Point. But it's all been worth it. I've gained a wonderful person that I can add to my "inner circle" and I'm proud to say that she's among the best people that are in my life.

Here's the question that someone posed to me today when I was telling them about all this: "Would you do it all again?"

Hell yes.

--Jonathan