It is completed...

At 7:00 I figured out what was supposed to happen with one thing on my mind: Emily and I are officially just friends.

She's convinced that I hate her and that I never want to speak to her again. That's not true. She made a decision that she felt was best for her at this time and I can't fault her for that. But I'll be ok... I'll get through this just as I have before and my life will go on. And, BTW, she couldn't be anymore wrong... I do not hate her and I do really want us to stay friends.

More later. I'm drained.

--Jonathan

Life

The last few days have been a time of reflection and pondering for Jonathan.

Wait, why the hell did I just refer to myself in third person? Sheesh!

Anyway...

I have been thinking about a lot of things the last few days. It's been one of those times when I thought I had everything figured out, thought I had all the info but I never did to begin with. When one realizes that, all it does is raise more questions. What the answers are, I don't know just yet; I'm still trying to figure them all out. Some things are becoming more clear and others are still kindda dark.

One thing I've realized is that I shouldn't worry too much about the future. What I mean is, stop putting the future ahead of the present on my list of priorities. Some things you do have to plan ahead for (retirement funds, etc.) but there are other things (like relationships) that should be left alone and allowed to grown on their own. Take it a day at a time and don't worry about five years from now.

WTF??? My mouse just started moving on its own!!

Ok, that was weird...

Anyway, back to what I was talking about.

Take those things a day at a time: That's the lesson I've learned lately. I've always had a tendency to make that mistake. I've always been the type to be so worried about a few years down the road than the present time. I guess that's one of my many flaws that I need to keep working on.

I'm also weighing on some other decisions. Honestly, I'm not too sure what's going to happen with those at this point but I'm going to see how everything plays out. All I can do is take it a day at a time (good advice) . I've been praying about things... I'll see what God has in store for me.

-------More posted at 6:00 PM:

I just took a drive around Fort Wayne, got lost, started going the wrong way down a one way street (had I not turned around in time, that might have made the news tonight) and listened to what is probably the most depressing CD I've ever burned. All in all it was a pretty depressing afternoon to put it bluntly.

For those of you who may not know me very well, when I have things on my mind sometimes I'll just need to put some gas in my truck and drive around for a bit. Actually, there was a time when I would do this with a girl I used to know in Meridian and we'd call it "getting lost" because we basically did that everytime we took a ride and took random turns. But I digress. My mind's not much clearer than it was before I left but I did think about some stuff. One thing I've decided is that no matter what I'm going to be ok. Things work out the way they're supposed to in the end and all we can do is accept that and go about life. No matter what happens, I'm still going to get up in the morning, take a shower, shave, brush my teeth, put my clothes on, come to work, do a show, go home, go to bed eventually and do it all again the next morning. No matter how bleak things may look at the moment life must and does continue. It's up to us whether we want to be a part of it or allow life to pass us by. Whatever is meant to happen is going to happen. Whether I agree with the outcome or not, I have to continue on with my life.

I went to the Fort Wayne Freedom's game last night and it was pretty fun. Although I had all this stuff on my mind the entire time I was there. My station sponsors the dance teams that perform at half time of the games and I went onto the field to introduce them. After I went out there to do my thing, I went back to the field enterance and one of the things I kept thinking was "I was just in front of about 7,000 people, yet I feel so alone." I guess life's just like that sometimes.

I've probably rambled on enough for one day so I think I'm going to go home, make some soup, watch a couple of movies (rented Friday Night Lights and Love and Basketball [one of my favorite movies and I'm not ashamed to admit it!]) and probably call it a night unless something happens to change that routine.

If you pray, please keep me in your prayers. I'm really going through a trial here and I have a ton of decisions to make.

--Jonathan

Wow...

"It's been a while... since I..." - Staind

Greetings and such from the Wild 96.3 War Room! Yes, we have a war room. It's 12:04 AM and I'm still here. Well, I went home for a bit but had to come back to type a letter and make the weekend air shift schedule. Damn laptop being broken... so I wrapped all that up about an hour ago and I've been wasting time online. I'm about to go home and go to bed but since I'm here I decided I might as well write in my blog since Clayton seems to think I should update this thing more often. :-p

It finally happened: If you've looked at my station's website lately or been listening, you know that we've launched our full out attack. We've been planning this for almost six months and now the fruits of our labor are being realized. The Fugitive has invaded Fort Wayne! This is the radio promotion that, well, the anti-radio promotion. It breaks all the rules and I love it. It sounds awesome on the air and I have no doubt that this is making Hater 107 look very foolish. What are they doing? Only the lamest thing I've ever heard: "The Thousand Dollar Holler." Basically they have people sign up on their web site and at van hits to be called. If they answer the phone "I am Hot 107.9" they supposedly win $1,000. Ok, first of all, who's actually going to answer their phone like this? Not many people, at least people with jobs. Oh, and the rules! Laughable! Basically they have the option NOT to use the numbers that are entered. They can choose a number AT RANDOM OUT OF THE PHONE BOOK! What a joke! Best I can tell they've only had a couple of winners. Oh, and don't fall for that bullshit about $10,000 Thursday. Read the rules... it's a five year annuity. Yep, that means $2K for five years. What a crock! Find our Fugitive, you get $10,000 in a lump sum.

Don't get that twisted.

Other than that, life is peachy for the most part. Our new PD has started (and he's actually lasted longer than a week!) and he seems really cool. He's making changes slowly but surely. Nothing drastic but things I overlooked while at the till and that needed to be done. All in all, I'm pretty happy.

I did my taxes... I'm getting about a grand back! :-D

I'm going home to get some sleep. But let me leave you with one final thought: Ever have a time when something that's been staring you in a fact for a long time, even several years, finally becomes so strong that you can't bottle it up anymore and you just have to go for it? I've had one of those. More on it at the right time. Until then...

--Jonathan

Random Thoughts and Ramblings for 4/5

Welcome the latest edition of my mindless rabble. I'm your host Jonathan. Kick your shoes off, take a seat and enjoy the ride. There's much to talk about.

So here I am at the station at freakin' 10:00 at night. There's a good reason for that: I needed to do some stuff online and I couldn't do it at home because my laptop's ac adaptor is being stupid and I don't have the $45 to get a new one right now. Thank God I live close by, otherwise I'd really be kicking myself right now. Wait a minute, it's 10:00 PM and I'm at work when I could have left at 7:00. Maybe I should kick my own arse afterall. Eh, it happens. Thankfully it won't be like this when I get the new adaptor, which will hopefully be soon.

I didn't get promoted and this time it's for real. In case you've been away from the planet for the last few months, I've basically been interim program director of my station and I've been trying for the gig. Well, today I found out that I didn't get it and that they've hired a guy from Michigan to take the gig. I'm not bitter or anything. A little disappointed, sure, but I can't complain about this. It's been a learning experience and I'm taking a lot of valuable experience away from this time. No, I'm not leaving the station... it's the book, I can't leave now! Besides, we've got some big plans that we've been working on for a long time and I'm not leaving now. Oh no, I gotta at least see this through. Besides, Bill (my boss) said that I'm "one of the rising stars in the company" so maybe this could mean something down the road. But you better believe I'm going for those APD/MD stripes! Hell, I basically have been that since I got here almost a year ago.

Speaking of employment, while Bill was hiring a new Program Director for us, the guy at Hater 107 was getting fired. This is the guy who fired two midday jocks within a week. I wish him well. But, honestly, he got what he deserved.

And here's another thing: I've lived here almost a year! In fact, it will be a year on May 15th. I didn't realize that until this morning. It doesn't feel like it's been anywhere close to that but I suppose it has. The last (almost) year has been full of ups, downs and everything in between. Would I change anything? No, not one thing. Living away from home has been a good experience for me. I can't lie, I miss my family and my friends like mad. And there are lots of things about the south itself that I miss (especially sweet tea!). But I'm here for a reason. I was brought here for a reason and I'm still here for a reason (and I think that reason is Emily) so I'm going to see this through. It just trips me out though... a year!

I've been sitting here for a minute trying to figure what to write next but I keep returning to the fact that I've almost been here for a year. Yeesh.

I really don't know what else to write about. So I suppose I'll end this now, wrap up what I came here to do and go back to the pad. May write more later, like tomorrow or something. Peace out, be WiLD!

--Jonathan

You Know you're from Mississippi When...

You Know You're From Mississippi When...

You've been to or know about the towns of: Hot Coffee, Whynot, Soso, Shuqualak, Okalona, and Noxapater. When someone talks about The Flag, you know exactly what flag they're refering to. In any given parking lot, every third car has a Flag bumpersticker. Your neighbor (or yourself) has the Confederate battle flag in his yard and nothing else. You eat coon hash. You know where chittlins come from. You know it's coke, not "pop", or "soda." You know pop is a noise or an action (ie the coon popped out of his hole), not a soft drink. You can tell, purely by accent, whether a person is from the Black Belt, the Red Clay Hills, the Piney Woods, or the Delta. You know that the Delta is not the one below New Orleans. Your church's attendance is reduced by half on opening day of bow season. The preacher is not there on opening day of gun season. The last time it snowed, you took fifteen photos and put some in your freezer for old time's sake. A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack. There is a trampoline in your neighbor's back yard. Teenagers refer to the bus as the "cheese wagon," and refuse to ride it. You only know five spices--salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ Sauce and hot sauce. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Mississippi.

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April 2nd

This morning, Pope John Paul II died. While I'm not Catholic (but I do have Catholic roots, as I am part Irish), I am sadened by the death of the Pope. He served mankind and God in an awesome way. Rest in peace, Holy Father.

Personally, today wasn't too bad. Emily and I talked and things are alright now. We compromised, on some things, talked about some others. In short, we're going to be just fine.

It's late and I'm going to bed. Gotta spring my clock forward. Oh wait, I'm in Indiana. We're different. LOL

--Jonathan